Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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