if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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