she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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