she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
