Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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