You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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