"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
