you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
