Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
