I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
