The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
