Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
