there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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