Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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