New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
