i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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