Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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