it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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