so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
