1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
