I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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