I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
