You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
