Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
