Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
