covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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