my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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