Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
