$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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