3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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