Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You can't motorboat a personality
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
