naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This is my gift to your gina
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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