Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
where are my eyebrows?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
