Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
