Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
