i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
