Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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