my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Houston, we have a blender
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
