I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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