i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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