her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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