This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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