I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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