Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
