Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
