in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
