Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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