i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
