dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
