at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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