There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
