First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
