I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
