Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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